How did it get to this?

2007: Winner of the wing eating contest - 4.3lbs in 10 minutes.

334 Pounds. THREE HUNDRED AND THIRTY FOUR FUCKING POUNDS. What. The. Actual. Fuck?

Don't get me wrong. I have always been big. But not this big.

When I was young, I was a chubby kid with a bowl cut. In the third grade, one of my classmates Tony Ramsey, was brilliant enough to realize my last name rhymed with Fatty. Yup. So fucking clever. Fatty Hattey. (Tony: if you are reading this, I hope you are addicted to meth in a trailer park somewhere... step on a Lego and die.)

So. Much. Denim...

By high school, I was 6' 4", and 250 pounds. Not huge, but not small either. Looking back, that was a good size for me. I was active in sports, marching band, a  job that kept me on my feet. I was eating like a horse, but I was able to burn it all off.

Why do all teenagers have such a dopey look on their face? 

But then, college happened. College happened STRONG. Beer, fast food, Beer, Starbucks Lemon Pound Cake, Beer, Beer, and Beer. In a matter of two years I had shot up to 300 pounds. My activity level was down, my calorie intake was through the roof. I picked up smoking. (3 packs a day at its peak). I was also drinking Red Bull like it was water to keep up with full-time school while working a full-time job.

And the neck just continues to disappear...

So that brings us to today. Three hundred and thirty four fucking pounds.