Marital Spite and Impulse Purchases - Better than Jesus....

Has a TV Show/Movie/Commercial ever made you decide to do something? Like right in that moment, stop what you are doing and act upon what you just saw? If your answer is no, you are missing out on a little thing I like to call being impulsive.

Hi. My Name is Eric, and I am an impulsive person.
(Hi, Eric.)

Being impulsive is not always a negative trait. Impulsive decision making has made me a successful business person. If life throws me a curve ball, my impulsive nature is used to instant change, and I handle it like a pro. I am able to make decisions on the spot. Nine times out of ten, it is a phenomenal trait to have.

My best friend of 15 years, Kyle, loves to tell stories about my impulsive nature. He shared in his Best Man Toast at my wedding, a story from when we were in college. He knew I had just received my student loan overage check for the semester (about six grand), and when he was pulling up to our apartment that night, he saw a box for a 50" Plasma TV sitting by the road. He thought "No, Eric isn't that stupid, surely he didn't go blow his student loan money on an oversized (at the time) TV". He walked into the living room, saw me assembling an entertainment center with a shiny new tv, shook his head, muttered "God Damnit Eric", and kept walking.

When it comes to impulse purchases, I have come leaps and bounds since those days.... for the most part.

I know what you are thinking... Eric! What the hell does any of this have to do with you trying to lose weight?
Well... everything, actually.

You see, this whole decision to be a healthier person can be pinned back to the night my wife and I watched a Netflix movie in bed.

JUNE 12th 2015 - Netflix and Chill

It was this night, we were both in the mood for a documentary. She had been watching some food related documentaries, so it recommended "Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead". Its a great watch, and I highly recommend you check it out. As we watched it, I saw a man who was roughly my height, my weight, drop TONS of weight doing nothing at all but drink juice. The lazy side of me was in awe at how simple it seamed. The nerd in me was floored by the science and data he showed to support his case. The impulsive decision maker in me decided in that moment - This is what I MUST DO!
"Babe, do we have a juicer?"
"Yes."
"Its going down - starting tomorrow."

JUNE 13th 2015 - No, but seriously, tomorrow for sure....

What can I say? She wanted to go out for a greasy Sunday lunch... who was I to say no?!

JUNE 14th 2015 - But this one is better!
On this day, I dug her juicer out of the closet and cleaned it up. I had no clue what to put into the juicer, so I hopped onto Google, and what do you know: The Fat, Sick, and Nearly Dead guy had two recipe apps on the App Store... for $20. So $20 later, I now have the recipes. But I need the fruits and veggies. So off to Sprouts (the working man's Whole Foods) I go. $170 later, I have a weeks worth of food to juice.
I ran a test juice, and realized that the old juicer we had at the house was not as good as the ones they had shown in the documentary. So I hopped onto Google, and what do you know: The Fat Sick and Nearly Dead guy endorses a line of very expensive juicers. So Amazon Prime later... I have a new $300 juicer en route for next-day delivery

"I swear baby, I am starting this for realz tomorrow"

JUNE 15th 2015 - Juicing is fucking DISGUSTING
Seriously. Juiced kale is why there is war in the middle east. Its fucking horrendous. No amount of lemon or lime can offset that fucking awfulness. Fuck. Juicing. There has got to be a better way.

JUNE 16th 2015 - BAE gets angry
Sometimes I think that my wife gets off on getting to rub things in my face. She had told me not to spend the money on the juicer. She had told me not to go crazy with this whole thing. But I did. So I got mocked and yelled at all at the same time. She was angry I was already giving up after such a lofty investment, and she was making fun of me for my "space juicer" that was never going to get used.
I hate to say it. But she was right on both counts.

The next month went by with constant reminders about the juicer that was still sitting on the counter collecting dust. I went back to eating like an asshole, and being angry at myself as soon I was done eating like an asshole.

About a week after a Fourth of July pool party with our families, my wife's aunt sent an email with pictures from the party. There I was in the pool, larger than everyone else. I just didn't look healthy. It bothered me. It festered on my mind for about a week.

JULY 16th 2015 - Random impulsive decisions 
While out in the field for work, eating my fast food lunch, I past the Life Time Fitness in McKinney. I don't know why, but I jerked the wheel, and pulled into the parking lot. "I'm just going to check it out and see what it costs", I thought to myself. An hour and a half later, I was the newest member of Life Time with a renewed urge to be better. God bless impulse buying.
The plan was that I was going to use their pool. I was going to swim the fat away. Great plan for a fat guy with bad knees who was on a competitive swim team almost 20 years ago.

JULY 17th 2015 - Amazon destroys marriages 

I went to the gym for my first ever workout. I swam some laps, and realized quickly it was going to be harder than I thought. But I enjoyed it. But I needed some training gear....
My wife was PISSED. "This is going to be the juicer all over again. Why not see if it is going to stick before you spend that kind of money" She was right... but I was determined to prove her wrong.

Just for shits and giggles - here are a few other recent Amazon binge shopping sprees:

JULY 31st 2015 - No obligations, its free to try out... GOTCHA BITCH
I was given one free personal trainer session with my new membership. Figured I would try it out. Imtisal talked me through my goals. He then kicked my ass for an hour on lots of different machines. When the hour was up, I was dying, but I was smiling ear to ear.
"Alright man, I'll bite. What's the cost for another session"
"$99 an hour. Want to sign up for once a week for the next month?"
*while holding out my AmEx and shaking my head* "fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck"
My wife said nothing about it. (I was kind of surprised, but didn't question it)

AUGUST 8th 2015 - 90 Day Challenge? FUCK YEA
Imtisal had been pushing me to enter the upcoming 90 day weight loss challenge since our first session. It was only 30 bucks, and there were some monster prizes (top weight loss participant in the nation will get $10,000). So what the hell. I paid the $30 and kept on doing my thing.

SEPTEMBER 13th 2015 - Planning for a baby
Laying in bed, my wife and I get into an impromptu discussion about finances and our plans for the short-term and long-term future with our child on the way. We were talking about big monthly costs in our budget, and I brought up (with a cringe on my face) the $495 a month I was paying for a personal trainer, ON TOP of the $95 a month for gym membership.
"I have no problem with that" she said.
I was shocked. Floored. Speechless.
"I can see the difference you are making. You are sticking to it. You have proven me wrong, and I am proud of you. It is worth every penny." (I think she mumbled something about how I still need to end up looking like The Rock)
Be still, my heart. My wife is better than yours.

So here we are at present day. As of the morning I am writing this, I am down THIRTY FIVE MOTHAFUCKIN POUNDS, and not to brag, but I am THE MOTHAFUCKIN LEADER (Locally) OF THE 90 DAY CHALLENGE. Read em and weep. In three short months I have finally found my groove, stuck to a plan, and made a (now) noticeable difference.

Impulse decisions can be dangerous. They can be expensive. But my friends, if it weren't for my impulsive nature, I wouldn't be writing to you today.

-E

Why "this time" seems easier...

Hey you, reader... I know we just met, but I must confess before we get too involved... this is not my first time. I just thought you should know for your own benefit. It doesn't make what we have any less special, though. I hope you understand.

All kidding aside, this is one of many many times in my life where I have proclaimed "THIS IS THE TIME I MEAN IT. I AM GOING TO MAKE SOME CHANGES! YOU JUST WATCH!", and then a week later you would see me at the bar chugging pitchers and dunking wings in a vat of ranch dressing.

Why? Why so many times was I ready enough to proclaim a change, but not willing to stick to it? Was it will power? Was it influences in my surroundings? The fault of Obama?

Tough to say. (Thanks Obama)

But the past 5 weeks have felt... different. Easier. More enjoyable. Today, while driving through the god forsaken flatlands of Oklahoma, I reflected quite a bit on why this could be. Figured I would share:

ACCOUNTABILITY

This time, I am holding myself more accountable. Previous lifestyle-changing attempts were sloppier than Hillary Clinton with an email server. (ba dum tssss). I would say I was going to do it, but when no one was looking I would revert back to my old ways. 

Thats the purpose of this blog, the @COADFatGuy Instagram/Twitter accounts, and my ongoing whining and complaining on my personal Facebook page (Sorry if we aren't friends, but you aren't missing much). 

If I forget to snap a picture to Instagram before I shove something in my mouth, I feel guilty. I own up to it. If I miss a trip to the gym in the morning, I go at night because my wife will be the first one to call me out if I am slacking. (which I greatly appreciate). 

Speaking of my wife.... 

CIRCLE OF PEOPLE

Jess (my smoking hot, super-knocked-up wife), has been great. Want to know why? Because she loves me as a big fat hairy guy. Seriously. She is a gay man trapped in a very sexy woman's body. She is a bear-loving, chubby chasing, fur-grabbing wonder of a woman. When I told her I was ready to make a change, she was quick to remind me that she loves me just the way I am, but she would fully support my decision to be a healthier person. (And something about getting swoll like JJ Watt or The Rock...)

In attempts before, I didn't have support like I have gotten from my wife, friends, and co-workers. 

In a previous relationship, making this change was forced on me. I had to do it. There was no other option. If you have ever met me, you would know that didn't go over well. I didn't just resist; I marched in the complete opposite direction. Just to prove a point. (A dumb one, but point nonetheless) 

Previously friends would make the comment "Yeah, ok. Let me know how that goes next week". Thats a kick in the shorts. They weren't helping; but they were right. 

This time around, I have found some kick-ass co-workers and friends who were willing to share their own experiences and advice. They have even cheered me on from time to time when I am pissing and moaning on Facebook. 

And then, it couldn't be done without the support of viewers like you. Some of you have reached out to me on Twitter, some on Instagram, and your words of support are awesome. 

I GOTZ THE DOLLA DOLLA BILLS!

Listen, I am no Rockefeller. I am not lighting my cigars with $100 bills. But I have been fortunate with my line of work lately to have a bit of disposable income to invest into my health. 

Lets face it: Being healthy ain't cheap! Especially if you diving in head-first.

Gym Membership: $90/mo

Personal Trainer: $99/hr

Gym Clothes/Gym Bag/Training tools/Gym Shoes: $God help me, Amazon Prime later..... don't want to talk about it

Supplements: $~100/month (Protein, Glutamine, Supplement pills -all natural stuff-, Shakeology, etc)

Eating: Well... at least I am getting AmEx points

But, just like the time I bought stock in Enron (They are still around, right??), this is an investment. 

An investment in myself. And by investing such a large sum of income into myself, it creates another layer of accountability. I would/will feel like a real douche if I spent all this money for nothing. 

Must. Not. Be. A. Douche.

THE REASONS ARE GENUINE AND REAL. 

My wife is pregnant. Really pregnant. Its really happening. I am going to be a father. I have a growing love for someone I haven't even met yet, and want to make sure I am around as long as possible for this tiny human. I want to meet their tiny humans in 30 years. 

I have a taste for fashionable clothing. Not trying to brag, but I do a damn fine job dressing with style for being stuck in the Big and Tall section. (Or when I was a kid, the Sears "Husky" section...) But I want to be able to partake in real style. I want to be able to take that endorsement of free clothing from @TrunkClub (I know you are reading this Trunk Club. If you drop the ball, Express for Men is on deck to take all the glory...) Most of all. I am sick of paying a premium for clothing just because I am large (usually a 15% penalty for Big and Tall clothing).

I want to be active. Several of my friends are in softball leagues, dodgeball leagues, and flag football. I want to play too. Put me in coach. 

The list goes on and on. But its things like this that hold me accountable. When I am slacking at the gym and want to call it quits for the day, I start thinking about all of the reasons that brought me to the gym in the first place. (or I just look in the mirror. That usually helps.)

Most important: I want to change. 

Baby books on audio to push me past the 3 mile mark... and for having just rolled out of bed, that hair is ON POINT

At any rate. This time is better. This time it feels tangible. This time, I am going to do my damnedest to make it stick.